Lotions and potions

Graham has had skin issues since day 1. We have a cabinet's-worth of lotions and potions now that includes T-Gel shampoo, Eucerin calming wash, Eucerin advanced dry skin therapy cream, cetaphil cream, cortizone cream, jojoba oil, shea butter lotion, aquafor, vaseline, and Neutragena Norwegian fisherman's lotion. At his 2 month appointment our pediatrician told us to treat his eczema with cortizone and vaseline or aquafor. Then at a three month visit to make sure he didn't have an ear infection, the other doctor in the practice told us that cortizone could bleach his skin if it was used for several consecutive days. Then a co-worker of Jason's said that she took her son to a dermatologist for his cradle cap and dry skin and that the cradle cap went away within a few days of using the prescription cream. So I decided to go to that same dermatologist because I just felt like we were fighting a losing battle trying to keep his skin and scalp hydrated and healthy. On Monday morning at 8:35 we arrived for our 8:40 appointment with Josh and Lillie still in pajamas and Graham needing his bottle and letting everyone know it. While I was checking in I could hear Josh talking to Graham, "You don't have a baby in your tummy, Graham. But you could adopt a baby. We adopted you. You didn't grow in mommy's tummy. You grew in a different tummy, but we adopted you." I'm not sure the handful of folks in the waiting room appreciated Josh's explanation. I'm guessing they were hoping to read their magazines in peace and quiet. We finally made it back to see the dermatologist. She said that eczema in infants is usually due to the skin not producing enough ceramides on its own. There are three over-the-counter lotions that contain pheramides: Aveeno makes one, Cetaphil makess one, and Cera Ve. She ordered us a prescription scalp oil, a prescription cream to use on rough patches on arms and legs, and gave us samples of the cetaphil lotion called Restoraderm. I filled the prescriptions right away and got Graham on his new regimen. By Tuesday night Jason and I were both very concerned about the skin on Graham's face and neck. He looked like a leathery, wrinkly old man. It was terrible. So I got online and found out that Restoraderm has shea butter in it- which we had tried on Graham before and he did not respond well to it. So I ran to the store and grabbed some Cera Ve. This morning when Graham woke up he looked like a scaly alligator. Huge pieces of skin were flaking off all over his face, scalp, and neck. His arms, legs, and torso were fine- in fact his legs are looking quite a bit better. So I took him back to the dermatologist today to figure out what was going on. Unfortunately she pretty much said she didn't know. She didn't know if it was an allergic reaction or if it was just the way his skin was sloughing off dead skin. I told her about the Restoraderm having shea butter in it and she said that the scalp oil had peanut oil in it. WHAT?!?! Who gives a 3 month old infant something with peanut oil?? Most pediatricians don't want kids even touching peanuts until 3yrs old or later. That is when I really regretted not going to a pediatric dermatologist. I had called a pediatric dermatologist, but they couldn't get me in until the end of the month. Anyway, she said to stop using the scalp oil as well as any lotions with ceramides and go back to the stuff we were using previously. Then she also gave us a new prescription for a cortizone cream. I asked her about if it could bleach his skin. She acted surprised by the question and said that she had never heard that. Ugh. The conflicting info is frustrating. So I called and talked to a nurse at my pediatrician's office and she said to go ahead and fill the prescription. The more I have thought about it I feel pretty confident that the culprit for the crazy skin-peeling reaction is the scalp oil. Not only does it contain peanut oil, it also has a scent to it. We have not used anything scented for Graham because his birth mom told us that she was allergic to perfumes. But today would have been a great day to have her contact info and be able to ask her some questions. The dermatologist asked if his birth mom had battled eczema as a child or asthma. She said asthma, allergies, and eczema all go hand in hand. We have a brief summary of her medical history that the hospital provided to us, but nothing extensive. Well, I know that was a LONG post on skincare- but thanks for letting me vent. It is just hard to watch my sweet baby boy who I love struggle with all of these skin issues. I feel very hopeful that we will get it all to a healthy place soon. Thanks again for your prayers and support.

Happy Belated Halloween :-)

Josh the gecko, Lillie the ladybug, and Graham the bumblebee had a great Halloween weekend. Our friend Trey set up this backdrop to take pictures of the kids at their costume party. Once Josh lost the gecko gloves and mask he looked more like a surfer :-)

On actual Halloween night we went to the same church in McKinney that we've gone to for 5 years in a row now. Josh and Lillie had a great time playing games, jumping in bounce houses, and filling up their baskets with candy. Josh was actually very diligent to not pick any candy that would be too sticky or chewy for his new sparkly teeth to handle. Graham did great as usual- he is such a content baby!

Two Months and Counting!

Graham turned two months old last Monday on Jason's birthday. He weighed 8 lbs 5 oz at his check up. He's truly doing great. Josh and Lillie did manage to pass along a cold to him, but he is pretty much over it and doing fine now. Sweet Josh had to have oral surgery two Wednesdays ago. They ended up putting caps or fillings on all of his teeth except his 2 yr molars- YIKES! Poor guy. Jason says Josh inherited bad teeth from him. Lillie girl is still pumped about her weekly gymnastics class. She gladly shows off her oh-so-impressive arm circles and stretches to anyone who will give her an audience. We all 5 had a great time at TCU's homecoming this past Saturday. It was supposed to rain the whole time but ended up being pretty pleasant weather for most of the time. We're looking forward to Halloween weekend. We still need to nail down plans for the actual night of Halloween- but the festivities will kick off for Josh on Thursday with a party at school. We worked on Josh's gecko costume today. It is 90% ready. We just lack suction cups for his gloves! Then Friday we are hoping to get to trick or treat at the same retirement center we've been going to since Josh was an infant. Saturday is a costume party and a pumpkin carving party. Hopefully some cute Gecko, Lady Bug, and Bumblebee pics coming soon!

My Baby Boy is 6 Weeks Old!

Sweet Graham turned six weeks on Wednesday. Last week Lillie had a 24 hour stomach bug and a sweet friend watched Graham for most of the afternoon and evening to keep him away from the sick germs. It was SO weird being home without Graham. I can't believe that just six weeks ago it would have been a normal day to just be home with Josh and Lillie. It is already hard to imagine life without Graham. And Josh and Lillie were so upset that I let him go stay at a friend's house for the day. Josh tried to convince me that he would be way too sad without us. Lillie tried to convince me that she was all better and that we should go pick him up. I love how much they love him. We had our first post-adoption visit with our Hope Cottage caseworker this week. I wondered if it sounded at all insincere when we told her how well we were all adjusting to adding Graham to the family, but the truth is we are all doing exceptionally well with the transition. Even the sleep deprivation is going incredibly well. Graham is starting to average a 5 hour stretch at night. Last night he slept from 10:30pm to 3:30am. Then back down at 4am and stayed asleep until 9am! He still is probably at least a few ounces shy of what Josh weighed at birth (8 lb 10 oz), but Josh didn't sleep through the night consistently until closer to 9 months! Graham has slept through the night twice in the last week! I had heard there were babies that could sleep so well at such a young age, I just never imagined I would have one! It's pretty great!!

Along with the 6 week milestone also came a handful of smiles and giggles. We've yet to capture one on camera- so hopefully that post will be coming soon!

Gaining, breastmilk, wedding, and bonding

We went for a 1 month check up yesterday at the pediatrician's office. Graham weighed in at 7 lbs 1oz! The doctor said to continue giving him the higer calorie formula for another two weeks but that after that he could go back to a regular ratio. Other great news on the Graham front is that a dear friend of ours is pumping and giving us breast milk for him- so far enough for one bottle a day. I am very grateful to God for providing my son with the good nutrition and immune-boosting power of breastmilk despite my decision to stop trying to induce lactation.

We took Graham to a wedding this weekend. It brought back memories of when Josh was an infant at Grammy and Grandpa's wedding. He was oohed and ahhhhed over quite a bit. I had accidentally left my hot sling (baby carrier) at the house, so I facebooked and found a high school friend in Austin who very generously loaned us her sling and her wrap. Her wrap is a Moby wrap. It was very fun to use! I'm a fan. Toward the end of the reception Graham's diaper leaked big time. He peed all over me and all over the floor! Oops! It reminded me of when Josh was a newborn and his diaper leaked right in Jason's lap making it look like Jason was the one who had the accident :-) Except now the joke was on me. Needless to say we made a fairly swift exit at that point.

Josh and Lillie continue to bond with their new little brother. Lillie's first words each morning when she sees Graham for the first time that morning are, "Oh, he's so cute! Graham is so cute!" Josh has started recruiting Graham to play on his "team" whenever a game is going on. Josh's current obsession is with "Binocally" or known to most as Monopoly. Josh plays a 4 yr. old version of the game- just rolling and trying to get around the board first. (no money passed out, no buying properties, etc.) He will give Graham the play by play. "Graham, we rolled a 6! Graham, we made it past the policeman! Graham, we're about to win!" I'm fine with Josh's Binocally obsession in part because he is teaching himself addition. He'll say, "I rolled a six and a two. That's eight, right mom?" Tonight the game was Jenga. Josh and Graham were on a team, Lillie played by herself, and I played by myself. Not too surprising- Lillie came in third :-) And that is just fine with her. She does not have the share her brother's highly competitive attitude- which is nice!

Graham's Personal Trainer and Singer/Songwriter

I'm guessing not many 4 week old babies can claim that they have a personal trainer. Graham's trainer's name is Lillie. Her new favorite Graham-related activity is teaching him to roll over. She pushes his little legs and bottom to one side and helps him roll side to side. If he even attempts to turn his head or his shoulders in the same direction she is pushing him she stops and claps and cheers for him. So cute.

Josh is Graham's personal singer/songwriter. If Graham is fussing or even just happily hanging out, Josh often busts out with some original lullabies or other fun songs. Yesterday he was singing, "Graham, you have a birth mom and a forever mom. Your forever mom is my forever mom. You can live with us forever." Love it!

Josh has also assumed the role of tutor. Tonight he was telling Graham that God made him and everything around him. Then he said, "That's just the facts, Graham. And you when you get big you can teach our next new baby the facts." I had to clarify and ask what next new baby Josh had in mind. He said that when Graham gets big we'll need a new baby in our house and then we would be a six family. Whoa, partner!! Slow down there :-) We've only been a five family for three and a half weeks!! But it sure has been a sweet past few weeks!

Our Growing Boy!!

Well, adding the extra quarter of a scoop of formula to a 2 oz bottle has made more of a difference than I thought possible! Mr. Graham weighed in at 6 lbs. at the doctor's office yesterday! That means he gained 11 oz in a week. Not too shabby! The thicker formula did make him a bit constipated and so now we are giving him a 1/2 oz of prune juice twice a day. But that is not a big deal. He sucks down that prune juice with no trouble at all. I was so relieved when the nurse proclaimed him a 6 lb baby. And he has even started taking 3 oz at a feeding on occasion. I'm so grateful for this little milestone.

Sadly, No More Lactating For Me

I have been very worn out trying to fit in the 8x a day of pumping that I'm supposed to be doing to help bring in my milk supply. Graham has been fighting the SNS device. I've been forgetting to take my milk supply meds and herbal teas. It was just a such a challenge. Then last night I talked to an adoptive mom who had given it 4 weeks with her first child before calling it quits. Then with her second child she stuck with it and somewhere between 3-4 months she really noticed a big jump in her milk supply. Just to hear her talking in terms of months and not weeks was almost all I needed to help me cross the line mentally. I felt like maybe I could buck up and give it a try for another week or two, but I feel pretty sure I won't last for several more months of using that SNS device. This sweet mom gave me the name of another doctor who has a webpage with protocols for inducing lactation. He recommends that every feeding be done through the SNS. Unfortunately since Graham is so tiny and we're working hard to get him to gain weight, I can't let him use the SNS for more than a couple of feedings a day. Then with Jason going back to work tomorrow and having to travel for work off and on for the next three or four weeks, it just all adds up to the conclusion that it is time to embrace having a fully formula-fed baby.
All that to say, I am so grateful that I gave it a try. I will always remember the sweet moment that my friend Emmy came over and we got Graham to latch on for the first time. I am so grateful that I was able to bond with him in that way over the last couple of weeks. It was worth the effort.

Comments From Josh

Josh had asked if Graham could watch a video with him on Friday during rest time. I explained that Graham is too little to watch a video, but that he could sit and look at Josh while he watched a video. So we propped Graham up in the Boppy next to Josh. Josh just rubbed and patted Graham's head and was talking to him. It was very sweet. Then I heard Josh say, "Graham, when you get bigger you'll have to go away, but we will come and visit you every day." What?!?! I said, "Josh, why do you think Graham will have to go away?" He said, "When he goes to live with a different family." I said, "No sweetie. Graham is my son just like you are my son. He will always be in our family forever." Josh said, "Oh, okay." So then that afternoon we were at the post office and a friendly elderly woman was oohing and aahhing over Graham. I like to try and bring some attention back to Josh and Lillie sometimes when that happens, so I told her that Graham has two doting big siblings. She looked at Josh and Lillie and asked if she could take him home. My very literal, black and white thinking son said, "No. He belongs to us because we adopted him. But maybe you can come and visit."
Well, from the post office we went to Braum's for milk and ice cream. When I opened the door to unbuckle kids I was met with an unpleasant smell. I asked if someone had been tooting. Lillie quickly called out, "Not me!" So Josh said, "Maybe it was Graham." I laughed out loud. I can't believe that poor little Graham is only 2 weeks old and already getting blamed for stuff. Later I told Jason in front of Josh what Josh said. Then I told Josh, "Now Josh, be honest. Were you the one who tooted?" And he smiled very sheepishly and said, "Okay...."
Good times.

How Sweet Is This?

Here is a taste of what's to come when this boy really starts smiling! Jason was holding him and we managed to catch him on camera smiling while he was falling asleep! We took him for his two week appointment today. He now weighs 5 lbs and 5 oz. So he is slowly but surely inching up the scale. The doctor recommended we make his formula a bit thicker (a tad more caloric- an extra quarter of a scoop per ounce!) to try and help the boy gain some weight. He did have to get his second PKU stick done today as well. This may have been more upsetting to Lillie than to Graham. She was very concerned about why he needed a pinch and a band aid. She and Josh wore their big brother and big sister shirts to support their little brother on his trip to the doctor.

I Heart Consignment Sales!!

My sweet friend, Chrissy, shared her "shop early" passes to the Divine Consign sale in Plano. I picked up a bumblebee costume for Graham (it looks big in the picture, but it says 0-3 months...) and a ladybug costume for Lillie. I asked Josh which bug he wanted to be and he said he would rather just be a gecko! So we might have a bumblebee, ladybug, and a gecko this year! I also got Josh and Lillie each a big brother and a big sister gift, I picked up a dollhouse to save and give Lillie at Christmas (shhh- don't tell!) and I decided to buy a sit and stand double stroller so that Lillie and Graham and I can get our exercise on at Stroller Strides while Josh is at preschool!!

Lillie and "Her Baby"

On the Wednesday we got the call that it might be just a matter of days before our new baby would come to join our home, I decided to give Josh and Lillie a heads up. I didn't want to go into any details and really wanted to try and protect their hearts in case the mom didn't sign. But at the same time I wanted them to be prepared for the idea of the baby being here soon. When I told Lillie the baby was coming soon she asked, "Mommy, is it going to be my baby?" I said, "Yes, sweetheart. It is going to be your baby." She asked, "Well, are you going to hold my baby?" So I tried to explain that we were all going to get a new baby- that she would be the big sister and I would be the mommy. Well, here we are a week after we brought Graham home and I'm pretty sure Lillie still thinks it's her baby! She loves holding him in her lap. She commentates on every little move he makes- "Oh, Mommy! He opened his eyes!" "Oh, look, he's stretching out his arms!" The girl is smitten. It's pretty sweet. The picture is from the outing we took to the new Cowboy stadium. I had bought the Groupon for the VIP tour back in June and gave it to Jason for father's day. We had a great time touring the new stadium together as a family. Josh and Jason ran around on the field together while Lillie and I went and checked out the cheerleaders' locker room!

Our healthy, happy crew!!

Thanks so much for your prayers! Lillie's fever was gone by this evening. We'll see if it stays gone- it is looking like just a little 24 hr bug. Graham was back up to his birth weight- 5 lbs 20z! Graham is enjoying the new chair that his friends Thessalie and Carrington sent him! Thanks, girls!

Graham's First Weigh-In Tomorrow and a Prayer Request

We'll take Graham to get weighed tomorrow at the pediatrician's office. I sure hope that he is at least back up to birth weight. He seems to be doing a good job with his bottles, but I don't really know what to expect in that area- I mainly just nursed Josh and Lillie. We didn't do too many bottles. So I don't know if right around 2oz every 3 hours is good?? Hopefully good enough for him to gain weight! He is definitely still on "womb time." I'm sure he got used to sleeping while birth mom was up and active and then awake when she layed down to rest at night. Right now as I'm typing he is wide awake on a blanket on th floor looking all around!

Our prayer request is about Lillie girl. She came down with a 102.7 fever tonight out of the blue- no other symptoms. We'd appreciate prayers for her to get better soon- and especially that this virus or whatever illness it is won't spread to Baby Graham!

Thanks again for your prayers!!

A Trip To The Dentist

After going pretty fast and furious all weekend, we all slowed down today and had a pajama day. I did change into some regular clothes around noon because I had to go to the dentist. On Saturday morning an hour before we left to go to the hospital to meet Graham I had a run-in with Lillie's head. I was bending down to pick her up from behind and she jumped up at full force and smacked me right in the chin. I bit down so crazy hard that I chipped several of my bottom teeth. One of my first thoughts was- "great. now I am going to be all snaggle-toothed to meet birth mom. that will be awkward and embarrassing." But as soon as I thought it I felt God nudge me in my spirit and say "don't you think she is going to be feeling awkward, too?" So I took two advil and it was fine. But I was so grateful to get them fixed today!
Today was awesome. Lillie was still attached to Graham's hip, Josh got to play lots of games and puzzles with Mommy and Daddy today. Graham is eating and sleeping and occasionally looking around and taking things in. Tonight he got to meet the girls I've been doing a Monday night Bible study with. Another sweet thing about today is that Graham had two special visitors- Katrina came over and met Lillie the day or two after we brought her home from the hospital, and today she got to hold and meet Graham. Robyn met both Josh and Lillie as newborns and got to meet and hold Graham today as well- so sweet!

A Day Filled With Firsts

Today was Graham's first time to go to church. He enjoyed hearing about how children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior as he sat/slept in the family room with his Mimi. (Jason and I were serving in Lillie's class!) Then my sweet friend Emmy came over and brought an SNS which I believe stands for Supplemental Nursing System. Emmy is a lactation consultant and generously offered her expertise today as I am still making an effort to induce lactation. So today was Graham's first day to nurse (even though he was just getting formula through a tube, he still latched on!) Then Mimi and Aunt Mindy helped give Graham his first bath. We washed his hair over the sink and just washed one little body part at a time on a towel on the counter making sure not to get his little umbilical cord wet. I think Graham enjoyed it! Then tonight was Graham's first Foundation Group meeting! Our sweet newly married group came over for our regular Sunday meeting tonight and they all got to meet and hold Graham. This afternoon Jason switched the crib over from toddler height to baby height. So we swaddled Graham in the miracle blanket (as pictured!) and tonight will be his first night in the crib. Except that he already peed through the miracle blanket so it will still be his first attempt in the crib- just not in the miracle blanket!

A Five Family!

It was an amazing day. We welcomed Graham Kelvin Vorel into the family. In Josh's words, "We're not a four family anymore- we're a five family now!" Graham's birth grandfather's name is Kelvin. We had the honor and privilege of meeting him today. He is a wonderful man. Birth mom was just as wonderful. We were able to spend about two and half hours with them at the hospital today before Graham was discharged and we took him home. It was precious time. I found little details about her pregnancy and delivery that I can pass on to Graham as he gets older. It was such a blessing from God that she opened up about some of that. I feel good about being able to paint a decent picture of her to Graham as he gets older.

It's getting late and I am both physically and emotionally exhausted- and getting up in a few hours to feed our teeny, little guy. (He was 5 lbs 2 oz at birth, fell a bit below 5 lbs, then was back up to 5 lbs flat today.) The teeny, tiny premie outfit was the perfect size for him. He is itty bitty, but long. He was 19 inches at birth and has long fingers and toes.

I know there are tons of details that I'm leaving out for the sake of getting a few more minutes of sleep- so I'll try and fill in more details tomorrow. But I have to say that of all of the smiling, beaming faces today, none compared to Lillie Elizabeth. She did not leave Graham's side. She held him, helped with his bottle, helped to burp him- anything she could do to be close to him. She is smitten with her little brother.

And I would be remiss if I did not thank all of you for your prayers for today. Thank you for your love and support as we've journeyed down this path of adoption.

And good night.

Getting ready to bring baby home

I bought new baby (name will be revealed tomorrow- it is a name I love and we are honoring birth mom and her father with the middle name) this premie outfit that says "little brother." It is TINY!!! I do not think Lillie's little baby doll could squeeze into it! But our little 5 lb nugget should fill it out nicely!! Lillie is going to wear the sparkly Best Big Sister shirt on loan to us from Bailey, and I picked up a cool I'm The Big Brother shirt for Josh!

We have been NESTING LIKE CRAZY!! I bought baby detergent, a blue crib sheet and changing pad cover, a rug for baby's room, and receiving blankets on a quick trip to Babies R Us. I washed the paci's and bottles from Wednesday's trip to Wal-Mart and packed the diaper bag with bottles, formula, burp cloths, pacis, diapers, wipes, and an extra change of clothes.

I picked up a gift for birth mom- a photo album where she can put the photos we send, a box of chocolate (she is after all an 18 yr. old young woman who just gave birth!), and we're bringing flowers as well. I had thought about maybe a necklace with the baby's birthstone but a good friend helped me think through it and we both thought it could be a possible first Mother's Day or first birthday gift if it seems right to do it then.

Can't wait to post pics tomorrow!

WE GET BABY TOMORROW!!!!

Maybe a baby on Sunday...

After what felt like a very LONG wait today, the counselor called with an update. She had taken our profile book to show the birth mom. Birth mom and her father- baby's grandpa- looked at it together. There was a Bible verse in one of the letters that the grandpa said that he had just prayed over the baby this morning. Jennifer said that it really touched him. I teared up when she told me that. She said both birth mom and birth grandpa loved the profile and are very happy for us to be baby's adoptive family. Birth mom had to have a C-section because of high blood pressure and she is still hooked up to monitors and baby is still hooked up to monitors as well. Because of this birth mom does not want any visitors until she is discharged. So she could get discharged on Sunday or it could even be Monday. When she is discharged we will meet at the hospital for the signing of the legal relinquishment papers. She wants to pass the baby off to us herself and meet us. She has changed from wanting a closed adoption to wanting letters and pictures. The Hope Cottage counselor peeked in the nursery at the baby and said that he is just adorable. She is going to call me with exact stats, but thinks he is long and skinny- in the 5lb range for his birth weight. I'm thinking I may need to run grab some premie clothes!!! Thanks so much for all of the prayers, comments, emails and phone calls and texts. They mean the world to us.

We Got A Call!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had just practically wrestled Lillie down for a nap, Josh was watching PBS, I was printing off a coupon to get my oil changed...and the phone rang. It was the counselor at Hope Cottage saying that a baby was born this morning to an 18 yr. old African American mom who wants to choose adoption for her new baby boy. The birth mom had been to Hope Cottage in June and expressed her desire to make an adoption plan, but then skipped her next appointment with them. She then had her dad call Hope Cottage today to confirm that she still wants to follow through with adoption. The counselor will go talk with her tomorrow to confirm her decision. If she is set on adoption there is a good chance that we will get to go to the hospital tomorrow to meet the baby. The birth mom wants a closed adoption- which means that the child will have to wait until he is 18 yrs. old before he can have access to her legal name (and potentially try to contact her.) She told the counselor that she wanted a 2-parent, Christian home for her son. I took the kids to Wal-Mart tonight to get the oil changed. We did a little shopping while we were waiting. Josh and Lillie both picked out toys for the baby and a onesie. We grabbed newborn Swaddlers, wipes, paci's, bottles, and formula. Tonight I ran by a friend's house and grabbed her infant carseat that we are going to borrow. It is feeling very real and sinking in. Of course, we have to be a bit guarded until the papers are signed and it is a done deal. Thanks again for your prayers.

In case you're interested

Here's the link to the Hope Cottage Blog:

http://hopecottagepregnancyandadoptioncenter.blogspot.com/

2 placements at Hope Cottage in the last week!

I was on the Hope Cottage Blog tonight and saw that they made a placement last week and another on Monday. Then I went to the website and it shows which waiting families have been matched and placed. One of the families was in our orientation class and our training class. I am SO pumped for them. Then the other family is the friend of a good friend of mine and we had just last week connected on email! So exciting!!

We have not heard anything yet this week. I am still hopeful that we will get a call for a match meeting soon. I've been thinking a lot about possible baby names! That post is coming soon!

The Ball Is No Longer In Our Court

For the first time in months the ball is totally in their court. There are no profile books to create, no inspections to prepare for. We delivered the profile to them this morning. They confirmed that there is still a decent chance we could get matched with a birth mom who is due at the end of August. So now we just wait for them to call us and schedule a preliminary match meeting. They told us this morning that it is usually customary for the adoptive family to submit several profile books. Oops! Our caseworker is new to the agency and she didn't know to tell us that and neither of us remember that from training. We had already ordered a second book that we wanted to keep, but will go ahead and take up to the agency when it gets here next week. Then I ordered a third today that maybe we will get to keep??

It is a very odd feeling knowing that there is the possibility of a us having a newborn in the house in a couple of weeks, but not knowing a due date yet. And then with any adoption there is always the chance that it could fall through at the last minute. So sweet Jason is trying to let his clients and colleagues know that he may have to back out of some business trips later this month- whereas with Josh or Lillie we knew the due date 9 months in advance and he had his schedule cleared within 3 weeks of the due date. That part of paper pregnacy is just different. But I've been suprised by some of the parallels- I've still had fun playing the name game, we've been nesting like crazy, there is still a ton of anticipation and longing for the day to come.

More Waiting and Trusting

Of course God allowed this to be the week that our normal UPS delivery guy is on vacation! Our sweet neighbors two doors down from us get daily shipments of textbooks. His job as I understand it is to write, review, and edit different textbooks that are primarily marketed to families that home school their kids. The point is- the UPS truck is on our street daily- usually around 2pm. Today 2pm came and went, and then 3pm came and went. Around 3:30 the kids and I wandered down to our neighbor's house to ask if they knew anything. Sure enough they knew that the regular guy is on vacation and that his sub hasn't been delivering packages until closer to 6pm in the evening. Although I was bummed that I didn't get to take the book up to the agency this afternoon, it was so nice to not keep looking out the window every 5 minutes wondering when it would get here. ?And my kids loved the little outing to the neighbors' house because they have a dog, a cat, and 3 chickens! So the poor UPS substitute guy eventually dropped it off around 8pm this evening. Jason and I are very happy with how it turned out. We mounted our hand-written letters in the front and it is ready to be dropped off tomorrow morning!!

Can you feel the joy, don't it make you want to jump, jump, jump...

(My friends with kids who went to High Seas Adventure VBS will appreciate the title of this post!)

Woo-Hoo!!! The profile scrapbook is ordered and should arrive here on Thursday. Jason and I are hand-writing our "dear birth parent" letters to mount inside the book when it arrives. Then we'll high-tail it up to the agency and submit it!! I've got to say a HUGE thanks to my friend Caren for watching Josh for me during Lillie's nap today so that I could get it finished and ordered.

"don't it make you want to move, move, move, raise your hands to the roof, roof, roof!"

The Beautiful Body of Christ

Jason and I have been so touched by the sweet notes of encouragements, prayers, and the gracious offers made by friends and family to help us with funding. The love and care that the body of Christ has for one another is a beautiful thing. We are very encouraged and went ahead and authorized the finance department at the agency to bill us the initial amount.

Tonight we continued working on our profile scrapbook. We are just two "dear birthparent" letters, two photos, and some proof-reading away from ordering it.

I'm very much looking forward to getting to post that it is ordered and being overnighted to the agency! Maybe tomorrow!!

Some Minor Setbacks

God has used this past week to help us remember to trust in Him and His timing. We had loaded a ton of pictures onto a flash drive and were pumped to work on our digital scrapbook while in Branson with Jason's familly. Unfortunately the free WiFi at the condo was terrible and could not handle uploading the pictures, etc. So we will work on the book this week, which isn't a huge deal. It was disappointing, though. Then we got our official approval letter followed by our finance statement. We had expected the sizeable down payment that needs to be payed up front, but we had not realized that the amount in full would be due at time of placement. We had misunderstood what we had read about monthly payments spread out over 12 months- that is only for families awaiting placement. So we need to get to work securing a loan! Thanks again for your prayers and your support!

Yay! Profile Time!!

Thanks SO much for all of your prayers. We passed both the health inspection and the fire safety inspection. Now our next big task is to create our profile- which is the scrapbook that we will give to the agency. It will be the main tool the birthmom will use to determine if she wants to get matched with us. So again, your prayers would be appreciated. We hope and pray to create a good representation of who we are as a family. The theme we've chosen is A Year In The Life Of Our Family. We will walk through all 4 seasons and show how we celebrate holidays and fun highlights of the different seasonal activities. Thanks again for your support as we look forward to bringing home the newest member of our family!

Inspection Time!

Our inspection done by the health department is scheduled for tomorrow at 1:30pm and the fire safety inspection is set for Friday at 2pm. We'd appreciate your continued prayers that we pass these inspections and get the approval to submit our profile. Thanks so much!

Tying Up Loose Ends

Upon returning Saturday night from a wonderful vacation with my family in the hill country and then at the beach, we got an email from our social worker encouraging us to wrap up all of the loose ends for our adoption certification. She said that several of their birth moms are due in August, so they would love for us to submit our profile as soon as possible. So we are going to try and schedule the fire safety and health inspection for the end of the week. In the meantime we need to clean out and organize our garage which is currently just a big mess. We also need to clear out any cleaning supplies that are underneath sinks and move them to a higher place. We would really appreciate your prayers that we would work diligently and efficiently this week so that we pass they inspection and get to submit our profile soon!

Poked and prodded!

I've never been quite so excited about being poked and prodded with needles, but today Jason and I both got our TB test done and I did my bloodwork for the HIV test! It is SO nice to have that part out of the way. (Well, mostly out of the way. I have to go back to the Dr.'s office in 48 hours so that they can verify that I didn't react to the TB test.)

So now we'll focus on wrapping up paperwork. Lillie's birth certificate arrived, so we just need to make a copy of it. We need to create a floor plan of our home. I looked and looked through all of our materials from when we bought our house and couldn't find one. Weird. But not a problem.

Yesterday's Groupon was for a digital photo book, so I bought it to use for our profile! The idea I am leaning toward for our profile (scrapbook of our family to submit for birth moms to look through so they can decide if they want to pick us) is to do A Year In The Life... and show our family through the different seasons. Thoughts??

Inducing lactation??

I went to see my OB yesterday to talk about trying to induce lactation so that I can attempt to breastfeed new baby. Since I made the effort to nurse Josh and Lillie, I really want to at least attempt to breastfeed baby #3. I feel that the antibodies and other good immune-boosting elements in breastmilk as well as the bonding that occurs with nursing make it too worthwile not to at least give it a try. My sweet friend Emmy is a lactation consultant and had sent me some good info on how to induce lactation. The strategy is to get on birth control as soon as possible and skip the sugar pills. This will trick my body into feeling pregnant. Then a month before the due date I will get off of birth control and start pumping- every 3 hours during the day and once at night. There is also another medicine called Domperidone that can help build milk supply as well. My OB said that the Domperidone is a random drug that most pharmacies don't carry. She said she thinks the closest pharmacy that carries it is in Prosper, TX. Kinda crazy!

Home Study Interviews

Saturday afternoon our social worker came to the house and conducted our home study interviews. She interviewed the two of us together and then both of us separately. The whole process took about 2 hours. She also did a quick walk-through of the house and took note of our smoke-detectors. Someone else will come out and conduct the actual fire safety inspection in the next couple of weeks. She asked about strengths and weaknesses in our marriage, our style of parenting and disciplining, our weekly routines. Individually she wanted to know about our relationships with our parents and siblings. When I told her that I do use spankings as one form of discipline she said that during the adoption process (which I took to mean the 6 months that we will be under the agency's supervision once we bring new baby home) we would probably need to refrain from any physical punishment for even our biological kids. That is not a problem for me. We rarely spank Josh anymore and Lillie responds just as well to time outs and losing privileges.

I asked her what were some of the due dates of the birth moms who are pursuing adoption right now. She said that they confirmed this past week that they are working with 11 birth moms who have chosen adoption. She said that some are early on in their pregnancies, but that she didn't have specifics. I told her it would be an ideal scenario in my mind if we could get matched with someone earlier on in their pregnancy and get to be a part of pre-natal appointments. I think we are still a few weeks out from fulfilling all fo the requirements. I still need to get some bloodwork done, we still have a few paperwork items to submit- floor plan, copy of our marriage license, etc. And it seems like it would be wise to go ahead and start working on our profile- which is more or less a scrapbook of pictures and journal entries introducing ourselves to the birth parents. I'm very excited to submit that profile and get matched!!

Even Sweeter With 3

We just got back from a cross-country road trip and beach vacation with kids. I thoroughly enjoyed almost every minute with my two precious kids. The time in the car was actually fun, the Georgia aquarium was incredible, the kids splashed and played in the ocean to their hearts' content. It was wonderful. And at times it was even easy. It made me think about when Josh was about 20 months old and he was starting to get more independent and Lillie was due in 2 months. I had that nervous feeling that I was about to take my calm, peaceful, easy life and turn it upside down. But now 2 years later life is SO much sweeter with Lillie girl in the mix. Watching their sweet little friendship warms my heart in such a unique and powerful way. And standing at the crossroads of transitioning from a family of 4 to a family of 5 I feel the same way. Our life right now is pretty sweet, but I know it will only get even sweeter with the addition of Baby #3.

Baby Names

I've been thinking of baby names. I need to double check with Jason, but I don't think we are waiting to make the name a surprise. If I get the okay from him, I'll share specific names that I like. In the meantime, here was Josh's suggestion if we have a boy: Duckfield. That boy cracks me up.

Home Study Interviews This Week!!

Yay!! We got a call from our Hope Cottage social worker today and our interviews are schedule for this coming Saturday afternoon! She said she plans to do both Jason's and my individual interviews in the same afternoon. Jason is getting his physical done soon, I still need to get my bloodwork done, and then we will be really close to being able to submit a profile!! We are pumped!!

Progress!

Saturday morning Jason and I went to the police station and got fingerprinted- one of the many items on our checklist for the home study that can now be crossed off the list! Tonight we just finished filling out 3 separate questionnaires and surveys. We are getting closer and closer to being able to get our home study interviews scheduled! Hooray!! I'm grateful for the progress and feeling encouraged. I have mentioned to a couple of people lately that even though my original hope was to quickly blow through this whole process and get to bring our baby home this summer, I do like the thought of a September baby. Since January was when I started seriously considering praying about adoption, I feel like that 9 month period of prayer and pursuing adoption could be representative of 9 months of pregnancy- paper pregnancy! And as much as I thought it would be fun to bring new baby with us on vacations this summer, I am grateful for the opportunity to invest in Josh and Lillie and give them some undivided attention before the craziness of caring for a newborn enters our life.

The New Ocean Room

I am very excited to report that Josh's room is no longer just Josh's room. It is now Josh and Lillie's room. I went to the store on Wednesday night to buy bedding. The ocean-themed quilt at Target that I had been eyeing for Josh was 33% off. And there was a coordinating girl's ocean themed quilt that was also on sale that I hadn't noticed before. It was the perfect coordinating set! I felt so blessed to find exactly what I wanted for such a good deal. Last week I checked out lots of decorating books from the library and looked through them with the kids. Lillie didn't have a strong opinion but Josh really wanted an ocean-themed room with sea-snakes. So while the kids were at my parents house this weekend (which by the way is far more exciting than Disney World as far as Josh and Lillie are concerned), Jason and I painted their walls. The bottom half is a bright sky blue and the top half is a spring green. Once we decide on a new arrangement for furniture I am going to attempt painting a seascape mural on one of the walls. We have a few tasks left to finish off the room- hang curtains, give dresser and bookshelf a fresh coat of paint, buy a new rug, etc. But the big changes that we made this weekend were really fun. The kids love the new room. Yay!! Now baby #3 can have Lillie's old room for awhile!

Peace

Time for me to weigh in. This is my first official blog post ever on any blog. You are reading history. Now to the topic at hand...

Well, it wasn't peace at first. At first it was "no." When Courtney and I had some more serious discussions about adoption in January, I had just become comfortable with the idea that we were done having kids. From early in our relationship, we discussed having two or three. Recently the conversation focused more on stopping at two so that we could have enough time to focus on building relationships with our kids' friends, relatives, and neighbors.

I thought I had built a pretty good argument in my head for not having any more kids and for simply donating some money and maybe volunteering to help with orphans from time to time. I didn't want to pray about adoption because we had just decided not to have any more kids. We had a plan. Surely God would confirm that He wanted us to be available to build relationships with others rather than adding one more soccer game to our Saturdays for the next 18 years.

Reluctantly, I prayed.

I wasn't diligent in this prayer, but I did ask for God's direction and wisdom. During these times of prayer, there was a recurring thought. It wasn't a guilty push or clanging gong. God amazed me with His gentle nudging. The thought wouldn't leave me, and I couldn't come up with an answer. "What am I doing to sacrificially have the maximum impact in this life for Christ?"

Don't get me wrong. I tried to come up with an answer. But there was also part of me that didn't want to come up with an answer. I don't want what I've done so far to be it. Surely I'm capable of more. I want to be part of God's grand plan - part of something big that may impact hundreds of lives and be talked about for generations. So there I was. Stuck with a question I could not answer and beginning to ask myself a different question. "Why wouldn't we adopt?"

I couldn't answer that question either. There was no good reason for me not to consider adoption. Sure there are plenty of scary "what-if" scenarios, but we have the ability to provide a loving home to a child in need and impact a life forever. Then it hit me. There was an email in my inbox highlighting a need for adoptive families right here in Dallas. Right in my back yard. The decision was made. Here is a need that I can fulfill.

And then it happened. Peace.

My mind and soul filled with peace. And God continues to provide that same incomprehensible peace even as I type this now. No matter what potential thought or fear has come to mind, God has guarded my thoughts and given me focus on the role that He wants Courtney and I to play for this child. One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is Philippians 4. I'm experiencing the peace that is discussed in this chapter - especially verses 6-7: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

May your decisions today bring you into God's peace - it is such a wonderful place to be.

A New Room For Josh and Lillie

Part of our plan for getting our home ready for baby #3 is to move Lillie into Josh's room. They have been sleeping in the same room for the past few weeks and loving it. It is so precious to see their little friendship growing. I would really like to redecorate Josh's room and make it feel like a new room for both of them. I have seen these comforters at Target and really like them:

I'm leaning toward letting them have these different comforters that weren't intended to coordinate, but have enough colors that overlap that I don't think they will clash either. Thoughts??

Reality Check

Last Saturday we received a new packet of paperwork more involved than the first. This took me off guard. We had turned in so many things when we turned in our application, I was surprised to see the new list of 23 other documents we need for the home study. We need to get our fingerprints done, medical statements signed by our physician that we don't have HIV or TB, copies of birth certificates (guess it's finally time to order Lillie's!), a detailed floor plan of our home, marriage license, confirmation from our insurance company regarding medical coverage of the baby, more questionnaires, more photos, etc. I will admit that the big packet of stuff that will take us a good week or more to complete deflated my balloon a bit. I was ready to schedule that first interview. I am coming to grips with the fact that I can absolutely trust God and his timing for things. So we'll be off to get fingerprinted this week!

Cleaning House

Jason and I sat down together a couple of weeks ago and made a LONG list of things we would like to do around the house to make our home cleaner and more organized before baby #3 gets here. Our big house project last weekend was to clean out our laundry room. Our laundry room had been our "catch all" room and it was time to weed out and organize. Apparently I used to be a really big fan of candles! Why does anyone need 100 tea lights? I still like to burn a candle occasionally, but ever since my first pregnancy I can't do scented stuff like I used to. In addition to candles we gathered up piles of cookbooks. Our sweet friends the Browns are pursuing adoption from Ethiopia and so all of this stuff will go to their garage sale that they are having to raise money to pay for all of the fees associated with international adoption.

In the midst of cleaning and organizing the laundry room we had piles of stuff all over the kitchen countertops and into the living room and dining room. The thought struck me that what we were doing to our laundry room is very similar to what God wants to be doing in my heart. If we had just always kept the door closed when company was over and didn't ever let anyone see our mess we could have kept living with chaos without anyone ever knowing. We could have kept up a really neat and tidy appearance. Bringing all of the junk out of the room that had built up and taken over made the rest of our house so unsightly for a couple of days. But getting the mess out and dealing with it was the only way to get that room into a healthier state. I want to be willing to open up and share the junk that is in my heart with others so that I can deal with it and have a healthier spirit.

The Official Application Is Submitted!!

Jason and I worked into the wee hours the past couple of nights working through the fairly thick packet of documents we had to complete to submit our adoption application. We had to track down all of our living addresses over the past 10 years, lots of financial info- copies of W2's and paystubs, bank statements, 401k and investment statements. There were all sorts of medical and health questionnaires. But the bottom line is that we got it done! Lillie and I went down to Hope Cottage today and handed it all in along with our check to pay for the home study. So now we are waiting to be contacted by our case worker!

A sweet high school girl babysat the kids for me tonight so that I could go to a neighborhood game night. Josh was showing her his room and said, "And we have a baby coming really soon! It's a baby that needs a family and is growing in a different mommy's tummy." It was really cute!

Adoption Training

Jason and I attended the 8 hour adoption training today at Hope Cottage. Some of it was very informative while some of it was a good reminder of things that we have already started learning. One of the aspects that I appreciated most was the sobering reality of the grieving process that the birth parents experience as well as the grieving adopted kids experience over the missed relationship with their birth parents. In the training they said that adoption is often the best choice a birth parent has, but that there are still far-reaching implications. They said that adoption is born out of loss, and so with that come some hard realities.

One of the highlights was getting to meet an adoptive mom and baby and hearing their story. The mom was obviously a believer and referenced her faith and prayer life often as she spoke of her journey with adoption.

Something that the director clarified for us today is that while they are currently working with 20 moms, several of those through counseling will choose to parent their child themselves. Of those 20 moms they expect that roughly five or so will make an adoption plan. Last fall and winter Hope Cottage had an abundance of deliveries that allowed them to make placements for almost all of their waiting families. As of now they just have 1 waiting family, and they are in desperate need of families. In fact, they have one baby that was born a few weeks ago that they are still trying to place. For whatever reason the one waiting family they have is not a compatible match, and so they are hoping that one of the three of us couples who went through training today will be ready to take that baby in the next month. Their average wait time for their adoptive families right now is about 2 1/2 months. The home study will take place over the course of at least 3 weeks. One week they will come and interview Jason. Another week they will interview me. The third week they will sit down with all 4 of us for an interview.

Once we pass the home study and are approved for adoption, we will submit a profile. The profile resembles a mini-scrapbook. It contains a letter to the birthparents to tell them how we will care for their child as well as pictures of us, our home, different aspects of our life. They will call us before they show our profile to a birth mom to give us some specifics to her situation and ask if we are comfortable with letting her see our profile- so at that point if they know that there had been some drug use or alcohol consumption during pregnancy we would need to evaluate if that is something we are comfortable with. If the birth mom chooses our profile then they will set up a match meeting for us to meet each other. It seems comparable to a blind date. If we decide to go forward with the match then we could start to discuss details such as whether or not we could be at the hospital for the birth, etc.

Other topics that were covered today were open v. closed adoption, transracial adoption, the legal process, positive verbage for talking about adoption, and much much more. If you are curious about any of that please don't hesitate to ask! I think I will wrap up this post for now. Thanks again for your prayers for our family as we are on this journey!

Heartbreaking, but inspiring

This blog post was posted yesterday. The little girl ended up going to be with Jesus today. In yesterday's post the adoptive mom shares such love and compassion for orphans. It is a heartbreaking story, but so compelling.

http://allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/2010/05/moms-30th-day-hospital-rant.html

The Process and Getting the Ball Rolling

The process of adoption through Hope Cottage as we understand it is that we need to first attend an 8 hour training on adoption. The second step is to get our home study completed. Then if we pass the home study we can submit our profile with pictures and a letter to the birth mom telling her how we plan to love and care for her child. The birth moms look through the profiles and can pick a family to be matched with. Often that involves a face to face meeting but not always. Once you've been matched it just depends on your birth moms due date as to when you will get the baby.

We are planning to attend the 8 hour training this coming Friday. We are very excited because this will get the ball rolling. They said that once you complete the training it usually takes 30-45 days to get your home study completed. It's crazy to think that our family could add a new member in just a few short months!

Seeking Wise Counsel

Jason and I shared with our community group our desire to pursue adoption. They were very excited for us and had some good questions for us to think through. I asked them to pray for me that I would not get caught up in the excitement of having a new baby in our home, but that I would keep my eyes wide open to the reality of the decision we were making.

That next week my sister connected me with a friend of hers who had adopted from Ethiopia. Her friend was brutally honest about all of the hardships they have encountered with their adoption- from medical issues to emotional and behavioral issues. It was exactly the medicine that I needed. That same day I listened to a sermon by David Platt titled Father of the fatherless. (click here to listen to the Apr 25 message http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/a-chronicle-of-redemption-part-3-failed-kings-in-a-united-kingdom/a287 ) His sermon is a great reminder that our desire to adopt cannot be rooted in a shallow desire to be philanthropic. It has to be rooted in the love of Christ who calls us co-heirs to His throne because we have been adopted by the Father.

Another huge blessing and answer to prayer was having the privilege of Wes and Brandy Butler visit our community group earlier this month and tell us their story- which is very inspiring! A huge insight that we took away is that our group needs to be prepared to have a lot of the same conversations with their kids that we will be having with Josh and Lillie.

Sharing the News With Josh and Lillie

A few Sundays ago we sat down with Josh and Lillie and shared the news with them. The conversation went like this:

Jason: Josh, Lillie, we are going to have a new baby brother or a new baby sister in our house soon.

Josh: Mom, is it in you?

Me: No, that is the special part. Another mommy is growing the baby in her tummy and we are going adopt that baby to come live with us in our house and be part of our family.

Jason: Some babies don't have a mommy and a daddy and a good home to go to, so we are going to bring one of those babies here to live with us and be our little brother or sister.

Josh: Can we have a little brother and a little sister?

Me: No, we will just get one or the other. Lillie, do you want to pray for us that God will bring us the right baby?

Lillie: Dear God, please bring us the right baby. Amen. Wait. I pray again. God, thank you for a baby in my house. Amen.

The Decision to Pursue Adoption

One day several weeks ago Jason came home from work and told me about an email he had received from a co-worker. The email said that an adoption agency in Dallas called Hope Cottage was in dire need of families willing to adopt African American babies. My eyes teared up. I said, "Jason, let's get one of those babies!"

We started to ask around to friends who have used different adoption and foster care agencies. We decided to attend the one hour Orientation meeting and get more information. At that meeting the woman who is the director of domestic adoptions for Hope Cottage confirmed that they have upwards of 20 birth moms who are due in the next several months and only a handful of families ready to take babies. This blatant need coupled with our desire to share all that God has provided to us cemented our desire to move forward with the process.

Praying About Adoption

This past January when Watermark had a ministry fair, Beau Fornet gave a talk about helping orphans and he asked everyone to consider either adopting, sponsoring a child, or committing to praying for orphans. Jason and I started praying that God would show us how to use our lives to make the most impact that we could for orphans. I dreamed of starting an orphanage somewhere. We talked about fostering or fostering to adopt. We talked about domestic and international adoption. We weren't sure which path to take so we kept praying. At a Priscilla Shirer conference in February I submitted a prayer request that God would unite Jason's and my heart in how to love and serve orphans.

Just recently I felt like now was the time to really start pursuing either fostering or adoption. One hesitation I had was that we are a family of 4 in a three bedroom house. I wondered if growing our family to five was going to necesitate a move to a bigger house sometime soon. Then I attended a Building Blocks talk on Siblings by Millye Hale and Alex Wagner. Both women as well as several of the women attending made comments about the benefits of having your kids share a room. Alex spoke about wanting her kids to learn "living together" skills. (check their talk out here http://www.watermarkradio.com/index.php?id=153&channel=443&series=173&message=1). That put my mind at ease that we did not need to worry about moving anytime soon.

Then I got to thinking about how I love watching Josh and Lillie play together and have really enjoyed have kids close together in age. (They are just 22 months apart.) I started to really want to take steps toward growing our family soon.