Jason and I worked into the wee hours the past couple of nights working through the fairly thick packet of documents we had to complete to submit our adoption application. We had to track down all of our living addresses over the past 10 years, lots of financial info- copies of W2's and paystubs, bank statements, 401k and investment statements. There were all sorts of medical and health questionnaires. But the bottom line is that we got it done! Lillie and I went down to Hope Cottage today and handed it all in along with our check to pay for the home study. So now we are waiting to be contacted by our case worker!
A sweet high school girl babysat the kids for me tonight so that I could go to a neighborhood game night. Josh was showing her his room and said, "And we have a baby coming really soon! It's a baby that needs a family and is growing in a different mommy's tummy." It was really cute!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Adoption Training
Jason and I attended the 8 hour adoption training today at Hope Cottage. Some of it was very informative while some of it was a good reminder of things that we have already started learning. One of the aspects that I appreciated most was the sobering reality of the grieving process that the birth parents experience as well as the grieving adopted kids experience over the missed relationship with their birth parents. In the training they said that adoption is often the best choice a birth parent has, but that there are still far-reaching implications. They said that adoption is born out of loss, and so with that come some hard realities.
One of the highlights was getting to meet an adoptive mom and baby and hearing their story. The mom was obviously a believer and referenced her faith and prayer life often as she spoke of her journey with adoption.
Something that the director clarified for us today is that while they are currently working with 20 moms, several of those through counseling will choose to parent their child themselves. Of those 20 moms they expect that roughly five or so will make an adoption plan. Last fall and winter Hope Cottage had an abundance of deliveries that allowed them to make placements for almost all of their waiting families. As of now they just have 1 waiting family, and they are in desperate need of families. In fact, they have one baby that was born a few weeks ago that they are still trying to place. For whatever reason the one waiting family they have is not a compatible match, and so they are hoping that one of the three of us couples who went through training today will be ready to take that baby in the next month. Their average wait time for their adoptive families right now is about 2 1/2 months. The home study will take place over the course of at least 3 weeks. One week they will come and interview Jason. Another week they will interview me. The third week they will sit down with all 4 of us for an interview.
Once we pass the home study and are approved for adoption, we will submit a profile. The profile resembles a mini-scrapbook. It contains a letter to the birthparents to tell them how we will care for their child as well as pictures of us, our home, different aspects of our life. They will call us before they show our profile to a birth mom to give us some specifics to her situation and ask if we are comfortable with letting her see our profile- so at that point if they know that there had been some drug use or alcohol consumption during pregnancy we would need to evaluate if that is something we are comfortable with. If the birth mom chooses our profile then they will set up a match meeting for us to meet each other. It seems comparable to a blind date. If we decide to go forward with the match then we could start to discuss details such as whether or not we could be at the hospital for the birth, etc.
Other topics that were covered today were open v. closed adoption, transracial adoption, the legal process, positive verbage for talking about adoption, and much much more. If you are curious about any of that please don't hesitate to ask! I think I will wrap up this post for now. Thanks again for your prayers for our family as we are on this journey!
One of the highlights was getting to meet an adoptive mom and baby and hearing their story. The mom was obviously a believer and referenced her faith and prayer life often as she spoke of her journey with adoption.
Something that the director clarified for us today is that while they are currently working with 20 moms, several of those through counseling will choose to parent their child themselves. Of those 20 moms they expect that roughly five or so will make an adoption plan. Last fall and winter Hope Cottage had an abundance of deliveries that allowed them to make placements for almost all of their waiting families. As of now they just have 1 waiting family, and they are in desperate need of families. In fact, they have one baby that was born a few weeks ago that they are still trying to place. For whatever reason the one waiting family they have is not a compatible match, and so they are hoping that one of the three of us couples who went through training today will be ready to take that baby in the next month. Their average wait time for their adoptive families right now is about 2 1/2 months. The home study will take place over the course of at least 3 weeks. One week they will come and interview Jason. Another week they will interview me. The third week they will sit down with all 4 of us for an interview.
Once we pass the home study and are approved for adoption, we will submit a profile. The profile resembles a mini-scrapbook. It contains a letter to the birthparents to tell them how we will care for their child as well as pictures of us, our home, different aspects of our life. They will call us before they show our profile to a birth mom to give us some specifics to her situation and ask if we are comfortable with letting her see our profile- so at that point if they know that there had been some drug use or alcohol consumption during pregnancy we would need to evaluate if that is something we are comfortable with. If the birth mom chooses our profile then they will set up a match meeting for us to meet each other. It seems comparable to a blind date. If we decide to go forward with the match then we could start to discuss details such as whether or not we could be at the hospital for the birth, etc.
Other topics that were covered today were open v. closed adoption, transracial adoption, the legal process, positive verbage for talking about adoption, and much much more. If you are curious about any of that please don't hesitate to ask! I think I will wrap up this post for now. Thanks again for your prayers for our family as we are on this journey!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Heartbreaking, but inspiring
This blog post was posted yesterday. The little girl ended up going to be with Jesus today. In yesterday's post the adoptive mom shares such love and compassion for orphans. It is a heartbreaking story, but so compelling.
http://allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/2010/05/moms-30th-day-hospital-rant.html
http://allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/2010/05/moms-30th-day-hospital-rant.html
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Process and Getting the Ball Rolling
The process of adoption through Hope Cottage as we understand it is that we need to first attend an 8 hour training on adoption. The second step is to get our home study completed. Then if we pass the home study we can submit our profile with pictures and a letter to the birth mom telling her how we plan to love and care for her child. The birth moms look through the profiles and can pick a family to be matched with. Often that involves a face to face meeting but not always. Once you've been matched it just depends on your birth moms due date as to when you will get the baby.
We are planning to attend the 8 hour training this coming Friday. We are very excited because this will get the ball rolling. They said that once you complete the training it usually takes 30-45 days to get your home study completed. It's crazy to think that our family could add a new member in just a few short months!
We are planning to attend the 8 hour training this coming Friday. We are very excited because this will get the ball rolling. They said that once you complete the training it usually takes 30-45 days to get your home study completed. It's crazy to think that our family could add a new member in just a few short months!
Seeking Wise Counsel
Jason and I shared with our community group our desire to pursue adoption. They were very excited for us and had some good questions for us to think through. I asked them to pray for me that I would not get caught up in the excitement of having a new baby in our home, but that I would keep my eyes wide open to the reality of the decision we were making.
That next week my sister connected me with a friend of hers who had adopted from Ethiopia. Her friend was brutally honest about all of the hardships they have encountered with their adoption- from medical issues to emotional and behavioral issues. It was exactly the medicine that I needed. That same day I listened to a sermon by David Platt titled Father of the fatherless. (click here to listen to the Apr 25 message http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/a-chronicle-of-redemption-part-3-failed-kings-in-a-united-kingdom/a287 ) His sermon is a great reminder that our desire to adopt cannot be rooted in a shallow desire to be philanthropic. It has to be rooted in the love of Christ who calls us co-heirs to His throne because we have been adopted by the Father.
Another huge blessing and answer to prayer was having the privilege of Wes and Brandy Butler visit our community group earlier this month and tell us their story- which is very inspiring! A huge insight that we took away is that our group needs to be prepared to have a lot of the same conversations with their kids that we will be having with Josh and Lillie.
That next week my sister connected me with a friend of hers who had adopted from Ethiopia. Her friend was brutally honest about all of the hardships they have encountered with their adoption- from medical issues to emotional and behavioral issues. It was exactly the medicine that I needed. That same day I listened to a sermon by David Platt titled Father of the fatherless. (click here to listen to the Apr 25 message http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/a-chronicle-of-redemption-part-3-failed-kings-in-a-united-kingdom/a287 ) His sermon is a great reminder that our desire to adopt cannot be rooted in a shallow desire to be philanthropic. It has to be rooted in the love of Christ who calls us co-heirs to His throne because we have been adopted by the Father.
Another huge blessing and answer to prayer was having the privilege of Wes and Brandy Butler visit our community group earlier this month and tell us their story- which is very inspiring! A huge insight that we took away is that our group needs to be prepared to have a lot of the same conversations with their kids that we will be having with Josh and Lillie.
Sharing the News With Josh and Lillie
A few Sundays ago we sat down with Josh and Lillie and shared the news with them. The conversation went like this:
Jason: Josh, Lillie, we are going to have a new baby brother or a new baby sister in our house soon.
Josh: Mom, is it in you?
Me: No, that is the special part. Another mommy is growing the baby in her tummy and we are going adopt that baby to come live with us in our house and be part of our family.
Jason: Some babies don't have a mommy and a daddy and a good home to go to, so we are going to bring one of those babies here to live with us and be our little brother or sister.
Josh: Can we have a little brother and a little sister?
Me: No, we will just get one or the other. Lillie, do you want to pray for us that God will bring us the right baby?
Lillie: Dear God, please bring us the right baby. Amen. Wait. I pray again. God, thank you for a baby in my house. Amen.
Jason: Josh, Lillie, we are going to have a new baby brother or a new baby sister in our house soon.
Josh: Mom, is it in you?
Me: No, that is the special part. Another mommy is growing the baby in her tummy and we are going adopt that baby to come live with us in our house and be part of our family.
Jason: Some babies don't have a mommy and a daddy and a good home to go to, so we are going to bring one of those babies here to live with us and be our little brother or sister.
Josh: Can we have a little brother and a little sister?
Me: No, we will just get one or the other. Lillie, do you want to pray for us that God will bring us the right baby?
Lillie: Dear God, please bring us the right baby. Amen. Wait. I pray again. God, thank you for a baby in my house. Amen.
The Decision to Pursue Adoption
One day several weeks ago Jason came home from work and told me about an email he had received from a co-worker. The email said that an adoption agency in Dallas called Hope Cottage was in dire need of families willing to adopt African American babies. My eyes teared up. I said, "Jason, let's get one of those babies!"
We started to ask around to friends who have used different adoption and foster care agencies. We decided to attend the one hour Orientation meeting and get more information. At that meeting the woman who is the director of domestic adoptions for Hope Cottage confirmed that they have upwards of 20 birth moms who are due in the next several months and only a handful of families ready to take babies. This blatant need coupled with our desire to share all that God has provided to us cemented our desire to move forward with the process.
We started to ask around to friends who have used different adoption and foster care agencies. We decided to attend the one hour Orientation meeting and get more information. At that meeting the woman who is the director of domestic adoptions for Hope Cottage confirmed that they have upwards of 20 birth moms who are due in the next several months and only a handful of families ready to take babies. This blatant need coupled with our desire to share all that God has provided to us cemented our desire to move forward with the process.
Praying About Adoption
This past January when Watermark had a ministry fair, Beau Fornet gave a talk about helping orphans and he asked everyone to consider either adopting, sponsoring a child, or committing to praying for orphans. Jason and I started praying that God would show us how to use our lives to make the most impact that we could for orphans. I dreamed of starting an orphanage somewhere. We talked about fostering or fostering to adopt. We talked about domestic and international adoption. We weren't sure which path to take so we kept praying. At a Priscilla Shirer conference in February I submitted a prayer request that God would unite Jason's and my heart in how to love and serve orphans.
Just recently I felt like now was the time to really start pursuing either fostering or adoption. One hesitation I had was that we are a family of 4 in a three bedroom house. I wondered if growing our family to five was going to necesitate a move to a bigger house sometime soon. Then I attended a Building Blocks talk on Siblings by Millye Hale and Alex Wagner. Both women as well as several of the women attending made comments about the benefits of having your kids share a room. Alex spoke about wanting her kids to learn "living together" skills. (check their talk out here http://www.watermarkradio.com/index.php?id=153&channel=443&series=173&message=1). That put my mind at ease that we did not need to worry about moving anytime soon.
Then I got to thinking about how I love watching Josh and Lillie play together and have really enjoyed have kids close together in age. (They are just 22 months apart.) I started to really want to take steps toward growing our family soon.
Just recently I felt like now was the time to really start pursuing either fostering or adoption. One hesitation I had was that we are a family of 4 in a three bedroom house. I wondered if growing our family to five was going to necesitate a move to a bigger house sometime soon. Then I attended a Building Blocks talk on Siblings by Millye Hale and Alex Wagner. Both women as well as several of the women attending made comments about the benefits of having your kids share a room. Alex spoke about wanting her kids to learn "living together" skills. (check their talk out here http://www.watermarkradio.com/index.php?id=153&channel=443&series=173&message=1). That put my mind at ease that we did not need to worry about moving anytime soon.
Then I got to thinking about how I love watching Josh and Lillie play together and have really enjoyed have kids close together in age. (They are just 22 months apart.) I started to really want to take steps toward growing our family soon.
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